look back (but not in anger)
Experiment 10 of Project: AMOR FATI
amor fati?
Amor fati is a Latin phrase that may be translated as "love of fate" or "love of one's fate."
The aim of this project is to help me to find a love of my fate, and in doing so share some useful tips and practices and ideas that will help others to find a love of their fate.
The plan is to set myself an experiment or goal each month that - based on my research on happiness, meaning and fate itself - that should help me get closer to my goal of amor fati.
Each experiment will involve 2–3 different practices or regular actions that I can take over the course of the month's experiment. I’m measuring my love of fate with a very simple little form that I’ll fill in at the end of each month, as well as keeping updates here on Substack.
the next experiment: look back
The winter solstice, or the longest night of the year in the Western hemisphere, marks the start of this month’s experiment. It sounds like a pretty miserable moment in our journey around the Sun, but you have to remember: the light increases every day from here on out… for 6 months anyway. That can buoy me, even in the thick grey days of January.
It also comes at the close of 2024, so I’m thinking what would this experiment in loving our fate be without a little reflecting on the year that was. And if your year had its fair share of darkness, just hold on to those brighter days ahead - the earth’s orbit guarantees them, even if Fate won’t lay her cards on the table.
Season of the sea goat
Capricorn has got to be one of the weirdest images in our wheel. Is it a goat? Wait no, it has… a fish tail? And what’s the deal with the glyph? Can we just decide what that squiggle is and agree on one?
I also feel conflicted over the direction of movement the archetype hints at. Capricorn is a cardinal sign, or a tropical sign. Tropos = to turn. To move. We know there’s momentum in the four angular signs, but is it definitely forward?
I picture the little sea goat thing on a mountain. Surely, we’re moving upwards? Facing forward? Maybe, maybe not. Capricorn season also overlaps the beginning of January, which gets its namesake from the Roman god, Janus.
I am so into this guy. The two-faced god, Janus watches over all of our transition moments and says yes to every duality. Birth/death. Wartime/peacetime. Perhaps… the old year/the new year.
A phrase that comes to mind: You have to look back, to move forward.
I’ll caveat that: this doesn’t mean stare back for so long you literally can’t move forward. It’s just… checking your mirrors. (Hah - my first ever driving analogy. Did I tell you I’m - slowly, painfully - learning to drive?)
When we’re dealing with the weight of Fate, it’s important to zoom out every now and then. It takes patience to see patterns in our Fate, yet those are the exact clues daimon/destiny leaves for us. Like I said, Fate isn’t going to show her cards readily. But we can watch, listen, learn.
And we can start to claim the moments, the slivers of choice, or freewill or whatever you want to call it, and celebrate them. We haven’t triumphed over Fate, but we’ve danced her dance.
Even if you didn’t choose the music, you got up and walked onto that cursed dance floor, and you moved. Maybe they weren’t the cutest of shapes, but you fucking threw them.
the practice
Let’s review 2024.
Maybe you were planning on doing this anyway. I won’t suggest anything super prescriptive, because I’m confident you’ll know what process this has to be for you. Your year was unique to you, and it will ask for the appropriate reflection.
My only guidance is: allow yourself to claim your successes. You deserve to feel like you won. Even if you are bruised and beaten down, you have made it to the end of the year – in spite because of your Fate (though it may feel in spite of it.)
There may have been times that your actions led to something that felt like losing. But here’s a question: did you act with the best knowledge or abilities you had? Hey, did you act in alignment with your values? Yes? What a win. Outcome be damned, that’s a win. Take it.
Good luck, and let me know how you get on!
how to follow along
If you're interested in reading updates on my journey to amor fati, I invite you to follow along, which you can do very easily, and for free, by Subscribing to this stack...